The Hard Stuff

One of the most common questions I get from parents is how to talk to their children about difficult things. These are things that make mommy and daddy so uneasy that they often want to do it in the therapy setting with the support of a professional like me.

I call it talking about "the hard stuff." This may include parents having to tell their child about mommy and daddy's separation, divorce, or the loss of a loved one.

Although you might find it hard, you don't necessarily need a therapist to help you talk about the hard stuff with your child. With the right tools, it's possible to navigate the waters just fine.

Tools you will need: Some quiet time without distractions, the willingness to be honest with your child, wording that fits the child's age, and a loving and supportive attitude.

I've found that kids have an uncanny ability to know that something is going on before they receive an actual explanation from an adult. They are constantly reading our expressions and picking up on other cues that we don't realize we are putting out to the world.

This means that talking to your child directly about daddy moving out or the reason why grandma stopped visiting may come as a big relief rather than as something frightening or scary.

Using words that are age-appropriate is important too. A four or five year old who may not yet understand the concept of time will not grasp a wordy, abstract explanation of death. He will, instead, understand something more concrete, such as, "She died because her body was broken...And we will miss her so much."

Once the truth is out, you can also begin preparing your child for the next step, whether it's moving to a new house, getting used to seeing a parent only on the weekends, or saying goodbye to someone they loved very, very much.