How to Spend Quality Time with Your Child

1. Turn off the TV, put down that magazine article you were reading, get off the internet. Finish the laundry a little later.

2. Set aside twenty minutes a day to play whatever your child wants, not what you want. And remember, no video or computer games, please!

3. Let your child take the lead. If your son wants to run around the yard wearing his favorite tablecloth "cape" playing superhero, join him! Offer to be his side kick. Ask him what role you are supposed to play. Ask him to show you what his superpowers are.

4. Remember that it is through play that children are able to express and work out diverse emotions, from being scared and helpless to powerful and omnipotent. By trying out different types of feelings and roles, children develop a better sense of self and how they fit into the world.

5. Play also teaches your child specific skills such as creative problem solving and logical thinking. Help him to build bridges within the play. A simple way to do that is by asking, "And then what?" or "Now what's gonna happen?" or "What do we do now?" But, let him be the one to determine what, exactly, that should be: "Show me!"

6. Be willing to enter your child's world according to the rules governing the play he has initiated. By doing so, you demonstrate that you know how to honor him and his internal world, including the full range of his emotions and creativity.

Bottom line: By spending time in child-centered activity each day with your son or daughter, you will build a better, more loving and respectful relationship with your child.

And who doesn't want that?

Children Know Best

Two days ago, I was at Annie's sixth birthday party next door. The theme was "Perry," meaning my dog. Pictures that her dad had taken of her and Perry were posted up on the gazebo as decorations. A "doggy obstacle course" was set up. Snacks included dog-bone shaped quesadillas. Yes, Annie officially loves Perry.

In the midst of the festivities (lots of excitement), Annie was swinging hard and fast on the swingset, then running and jumping up and down. She had to be persuaded over and over again to join in the structured activities. At times she became irritated (because she wanted to do her own thing and swing!).

At one point when she was swinging, she shouted over at me to "help me push." I went to push her from the back, but she corrected me and shouted, "No, push my feet! Push my feet!"

For a child like Annie, all that movement, especially the swinging and the pressure on her feet, is not only fun; it's calming and organizing both physically and emotionally.

When it comes to movement, children always know best about what they need. So, follow their leads.

If you have a child who is "on the go," loves to spin, swing, and jump, give her activities and opportunities to experience that kind of movement. Try setting up a "crash pad" (a pile of pillows and stuffed animals) she can jump on. Add a big exercise ball she can lie stomach down on and help her roll -- then jump. Swinging and jumping especially stimulate the part of the inner ear that affects balance and can be very calming for certain children.

I'll be writing a lot more about movement, self-regulation, and emotions in the posts to come, so stay tuned! Happy Birthday, Annie!