Isn't That Fitting?

One of the most gratifying things for me is when I see parents enjoying interactions with their children.

This is especially true when a mom or dad has been struggling to have good interactions with their child, whether this is due to the child's behavioral problems or a difficult child-parent "fit."

In our society, we expect that when babies are born, mothers should automatically bond with them. But, this just isn't always so. Just as in any relationship, there has to be a compatibility or "fit."

An example of a poor "fit" is when a parent is extroverted and enjoys a lot of different interactions but has a baby who is highly sensitive to stimuli.

The baby may turn away from sound or visual cues, including the smiling, loving face of mommy. This can be disheartening -- and even devastating -- for the mom, who may keep trying to connect by making her voice louder, putting her face closer, kissing or stroking the baby, or rocking baby harder, which only overstimulates the child even more.

Mommy may feel that due to her baby not responding to her, crying, or actually recoiling from her, she is not a good mother. She may even feel that she is a terrible mother.

She isn't; they just aren't a "fit."

The good news is that this is an issue we can work on. Infant-mother therapy sessions can help mom to be better able to read her baby's cues. Sessions can teach mom to understand what her child is sensitive to as well as what gives the baby pleasure.

Through helping mom and baby to achieve a better "fit," they can experience truly joyful and loving interactions together.